Oops…Autopilot kicked in again!
On the outside, I look completely engaged.
Nodding. Smiling. Laughing in the right places.
On the inside?
My brain is wandering through a strange, beautiful labyrinth of unrelated thoughts:
- Did I lock the door this morning?
- What year did Shrek come out?
- How long do sea turtles live?
- Why does that one kitchen drawer always stick?
It’s not that I don’t care about the person speaking. I do.
It’s just that my brain runs a dozen tabs at once, and sometimes the “conversation” tab gets minimized without warning.
Why It Happens
For many neurodivergent people, staying fully locked into a conversation is a juggling act.
We’re processing:
- The words being said
- The tone they’re using
- Background noise
- Body language
- Our own sensory comfort levels
- The internal thought rabbit hole we just fell into
All of that is happening at the same time, which means our attention sometimes slips away without us realizing.
The Social Struggle
The moment we realize we’ve drifted off is usually the same moment someone says,
“What do you think?”
Cue the panic.
We try to piece together context from the last three words we caught, praying our response fits. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it’s painfully obvious we’ve been mentally… elsewhere.
And that’s when we blurt out something like “Oh, wow!” to a statement that definitely wasn’t wow-worthy.
It’s Not Rudeness
Autopilot moments aren’t a lack of interest or a sign we don’t care.
They’re just a side effect of how our brains process, or rather, over-process, the world around us.
We’re tuned into so many frequencies at once that occasionally, the one we meant to be listening to gets drowned out.
What Helps
If you’re on the receiving end:
- Gently repeat or rephrase instead of pointing out “you weren’t listening” it keeps the connection intact.
- Ask a follow-up question to re-engage us without shame.
If you’re the one zoning out:
- Give yourself permission to own it: “Sorry, my brain went on a quick adventure. Could you repeat that?”
- Reduce sensory distractions where possible so your mind has less to juggle.
You’re not broken for drifting off mid-conversation.
You’re not rude for having a mind that occasionally wanders away without your consent.
You’re just wired for more channels than most people — and sometimes, that means the conversation has to wait until the commercials are over.
